the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
