If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
