my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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