I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
