You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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