she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
