You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
