So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
