I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
