Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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