I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
