Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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