Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
bring money and cleavage
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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