I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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