I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
