there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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