I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
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Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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