So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
