Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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