and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
