i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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