i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
