I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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