I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
