Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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