Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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