When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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