just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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