I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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