I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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