I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
should my penis look like a turkey
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
