just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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