you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
