I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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