How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
