You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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