Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he was CRYING into my vagina
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
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