just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
