i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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