now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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