Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
