Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
