i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
