Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
