According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
and you fell through a lawn chair
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