??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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