Just fell off a train. Bad.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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