seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
