fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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