I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
