If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
