Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
