I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
