I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
