I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
