The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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