this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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