i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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