If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
