I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
