Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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